Some is the same, some is really different

Happy Monday, peeps.  I’m watching insane winds out the window, sipping coffee, and trying to wake up and wrap my head around this hurricane.  In the meantime, I wanted to start posting some of the posts from the past few weeks. I’ve started to write about the second pregnancy and saving things to drafts until I was ready to post it – now’s as good a time as any.

Just to answer a few of your questions that have been left in the comments:

  • This pregnancy was planned.  If you know me and my control freak nature, everything in my life is planned.  Including this tiny little chicken nugget.
  • I found out I was pregnant a day before 4 weeks.  Luckily for us, we had only decided to start “trying” that month and were successful the first go-around.  This makes me think we need to be extra cautious when we’re not trying.
  • Right now I’m feeling ok – but I wouldn’t have said that around week 7-10.  But more on that later this week.  Here’s the very beginning.

 

From August 13 – 6 weeks

Today is 6 weeks.  I know I won’t post this for another 6-8 weeks but I wanted to write down what I was feeling in the moment.  So here goes.

This pregnancy – it’s the same and so different in so many ways, none of which can be found in a baby book.  I think the majority of it has to do with the fact that it’s our second baby, though I suspect a lot also has to do with the fact that we’re older, more chilled, and more experienced.

Let’s start with what’s the same:

  • The number of pregnancy tests that I took. O M G I am out of control (and I’m hoping some of you will comment and tell me that I am not the only crazy one out there).  I swore to myself that this time I would relax and let nature take its course.  I would wait to take a test until it was past 4 weeks or about 2 days before I was expecting AF.  I guess some things never change – I took about 2-3 tests when I would have been…oo….3 weeks pregnant?  I know that it’s impossible to see anything but I still did it.  The third or fourth test was at 3 weeks and 6 days and it was positive!  Well, it was a tiny barely visible red line.  So, of course, I proceeded to take more tests in the weeks that followed, letting a day pass between each.  I think at the end I took about 8-10.  For those of you who are shaking your head at me right now…I know.  I’m right there with you.  But apparently it’s not something within my control.  Let’s just say my hormones made me do it (they didn’t).
  • So far (ok, this is like 2 weeks since I’ve known so it’s really not even fair to count, but whatever) – no pregnancy symptoms, very similar to how things were with Peanut.  I noticed that I’m a little more tired and I get winded quickly plus there is a little nausea after each meal I have, but overall – I’m the same as I was before I was pregnant.  I guess that’s a good thing.  Let’s hope it lasts.
  • We’re cautiously happy.  I know that there are still a ton of chances for things not to go the way we want them to from here on, so we’re being cautious.  However, we’re enjoying knowing that there is a second little peanut and that’s a little exciting.
  • The second pink line left me with the same excited feeling as it did when we found out we were pregnant the first time.  A huge mix of excitement and fear.  I was so excited that we were going to have another baby and then, almost in the same heartbeat, I realized that it meant we were going to have another baby.  Although this time I wasn’t nervous about turning our little family from 2 adults to a family with kids, I was nervous about a ton of other things – what will Addison think, how will this affect us financially, what will it be like to be pregnant again, omg I have to go through labor again, what are we going to do with a toddler on no sleep?  I guess some things just never change.

But there are a lot of things that do change…

  • I’m a lot calmer.  I don’t know what it is for sure, but I’m guessing it’s a mix of been-there-done-that and the fact that we already have a kid.  Although I was still incredibly excited to find out that we were expecting, I was calm.  Collected.  Unlike myself.  I did continue to take about 6 more tests after the initial positive to make sure the line was getting darker, but my mind was always at ease.  I’m not antsy, willing the line to appear.  I’m just watching it, smiling as it does.  It’s a feeling that’s hard to explain.  I know that if things don’t work out I will be sad and disappointed, but a part of me is ok with it.  I guess what isn’t meant to be won’t be.  You can bet your fanny that is not how I felt when we found out we were pregnant with Peanut.  Between the 10s of tests that I took, I panicked about every belly ache, every move, every passing day.  I counted the hours before each appointment, dying to hear that heartbeat.  I am still waiting for the appointments in anticipation, eager to hear the heartbeat but it’s out of excitement rather than fear.  The thing that I think makes the most difference to me this time around is that our attention is diverted to a little certain toddler who consumes us.  I think the fact that we’ve done this once, successfully, and the fact that we already have a baby to give all of our love to takes the edge off.  The excitement isn’t subdued, but my fears are.
  • I swear that my stomach grew overnight the night we found out we were expecting.  I have no idea if it’s in my head or what, but I swear I’m constantly feeling bloated and my clothes feel too tight.  If this is the road we’re headed, I’m a little concerned about what I will look like at 9 month.
  • I think I also feel like “we got this.”  You know, because we’ve done this before.  I remember the appointments and all the poking and prodding.  I remember that a little spotting isn’t the end of the world and that the first ultrasound is a bit invasive.  I remember that whatever symptoms I did have the first time dropped off at 9 weeks but that was ok.  And labor can be scary…but we all survived.
  • I’m also less uptight about the things I had strict self-guidelines on before.  I had a beer before we found out that we were pregnant but after the assumed “it” date (I didn’t drink at all once we even considered trying with P).  I am ok with an epi if I’m in the pain I was in with Peanut.  I think if baby #2 isn’t gaining weight, I’ll add formula to the breast milk bottles.  I know the big no-no’s during pregnancy, but I’m not googling every single ingredient and freaking out over a piece of a cold cut near my food.
  • Oh and I am way less emotional.  At least for now.  Then again, I haven’t seen the little one on the screen nor heard her or his heartbeat.  That’s bound to make a huge difference in my world.

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