16 weeks and a first major meltdown…by me

And it happened.

My first major meltdown/panic attack about having a second kid. Out of nowhere, as I was sitting at my desk, filling out an expense report and reading an e-mail, my brain turned a corner and off it went, into the unknown.

What are we going to do about a second high chair?

Crap, I’m not going to have a guest room anymore. And I don’t have any plans or ideas about a nursery.

I don’t want to move Peanut out of her crib, she loves her crib. And her room. Is she going to hate us?

omg, she’s going to hate us. We didn’t just make a decision to change our life forever, we made a decision to change hers. And she is so happy right now. What have we done?!

omg, our lives will never be the same. And it’s going to be hard. So so so hard. How are we ever going to handle this?!

Where are we going to put the baby swing? We don’t even have a baby swing. How am I going to afford this all over again when I already have a toddler that we’re paying out the nose for?

omg, daycare costs. What are we going to do? How is this going to work? And I just bought lunch when I could have eaten something from home. Why oh why did I just spend $8 on a sandwich?

If we put a second car seat in my car, how the heck am I going to fit anything else in there? And it’s wreck these days with just one toddler and one very small dog – my car is going to be trashed.

I don’t want a two-kid stroller. I’m just never going to leave the house again. Ever. And I hate being stuck at home. Why did we do this?

And what about my marriage? My perfect marriage that took a backseat when Peanut was born and was just starting to steer toward the front. Where on the priority list would my husband fall, the one I swore would always come first, when we introduce another dependent little nugget to the mix?

I don’t have many answers but I know that many people have gone through this and come out even better on the other end. So although right now I’m skeptical nervous freaking out, I know that in the end it will all work out.

On a different note – some belly pics.

Weight gain so far: 7 lbs


Comments

  1. So… I’m reading this, and my mind is answering all your fears with “oh… well, don’t worry about that. You can just do this…” and then I realized that you’ll come to all those conclusions on your own {if you haven’t already}. Just so you know, I had all those things run through my mind. I think every mom does the second time. I actually had numerous quasi-panic attacks throughout Slade’s pregnancy and thought I was borderline crazy for having a second kid. It all woks out…. it might be bumpy, but it always works out! You’re going to ROCK being a mom to 2.

  2. Oh no! your brain works exactly like mine does. I hate it when that happens. I try to think of worst case scenario and then what I would do if that happens and it turns out it’s really not that bad. You will figure it all out, and it will be a change, but not a bad change. Everyone will adjust. Take a deep breath and keep on going… not sure how you are with accepting help, but if anyone offers you help or hand me downs… take them up on it! My daughter would have been a naked child without hand me downs. :) I just had my first wedding planning breakdown and now that I read my blog post again, it isn’t anything that I can’t get through. Sending hugs… sounds like you need one today.

  3. All this is still in my (somewhat) distant future, but I really identify with it anyway. I agree with Rebecca of course, that you will do a great job and everything will work out. Don’t worry about Peanut: she will be sad at times of course but having a sibling is awesome and is one of the things I am most grateful to my parents for doing.

    As far as the stroller goes: how do you feel about babywearing? A good friend of mine has two kids with about the same age gap you will have and just babywears the younger one. So much more convenient (because then it’s easier to corral the toddler). You can do it pretty conveniently until they start walking, at which point P will probably be ready to transport herself most of the time (barring things like Disneyland trips).

  4. All of these fears are totally normal!! I had them all exactly… My two are exactly the same age difference as P and your new boy or girl will be. I can tell you it will all be fine. When the baby is born and P is approaching 2.5 she’s going to be way more independent and she is just going to flourish in the roll as big sis. Remember all of those pictures you just posted of P with her babies?? We didn’t change my son out of his bed- he too loved his crib, so if you could swing buying another that might help. (We bought a convertible crib for both kids and love them). Two in daycare kind of sucks, but it’s only temporary… and what’s a fun life if you’re not in a little bit of debt ;p

  5. We just found out we are preggers with our THIRD! We have a three year old and a 1.5 year old. Every single day I have these same thoughts…We have ruined our lives!!!! HA…..I just have to trust that everything will be okay…which is hard! I will tell you this, it will be hard, but you will adjust. I can honestly say that the biggest change is going from 0 children to one child…not one to two.

  6. ha…it’s definitely doable, but not easy! some of these thoughts still run through my mind 2 months in!

  7. Yes, you will pay more for daycare and yes, your car will be cramped, and yes, P may need a big girl bed. But you will be driving that cramped car around in short months listening to your two babies have a giggle-fest in the backseat. You will get to snuggle another baby at night when you put them to bed. You will be looking at your son or daughter in a year and not remember what life was like without the joy they bring you! It’s so normal to feel the guilt about how you’re taking time from your first, it totally is! But one day you’ll be lying in bed and they’ll both be jumping on your face and you will know that they are both tremendously loved. Try to take this part one day at a time!

  8. Ohhh this all rang true for me a few months back. My daughter is only a few days younger than P and now my son is already 6 months!, yes, we have a 22 month old and a 6 month old! lol. I remember freaking about everything you just wrote, especially the moving of beds/rooms since my daughter was only 16 months when he was born and we had to have her out of the nursery even before then. The biggest thing I noticed is how kids their age deal with change WAYYYY better than we do as adults. So keep in mind that you may find it hard to adjust with the changes, it won’t affect P nearly as much. She may actually find all the changes fun and exciting.
    Take it one task at a time, pick something new each week that you need to change/modify instead of thinking of everything all at once. It will help with keeping your sanity. :). I’m very much a type A, everything planned person as well and I always expect the worst. So far, up to now at 6 months in, things have been great! I almost find it easier to deal with two than one, busier yes, but easier on a different level. I remember thinking “holy F how to people have two kids, let alone 3,4,5 etc. Then I had the second and thought to myself, wow, a third really wouldnt change anything! If you keep yourself organized with meal plans etc, you’ll see how smoothly it can go!

    • Jamie- thank you so much for this…..I’m starting to feel a little better now that I read that!!!! And what a great idea to do just one thing at a time. I think I overwhelmed myself because I keep thinking of ALL the things I have to do.

  9. Woah. I clearly needed to read this because I’m realizing how little I’ve thought through having a second one. And for the record, my baby never liked the swing, so I wouldn’t worry too much about not having one yet.

  10. All of those thoughts are totally normal. Honestly, this is why I am ready for Hadley to make her appearance already. Tired of the anxiety/worry/panic and just ready to get the show on the road, you know? But I know that your family (and ours) will adjust and be okay. Life has a way of always working out as it should. With H’s due date so near, I am quite honestly freaking out again but just trusting that it will all be okay. I know it will, but it’s hard not to worry about how our world is about to be rocked … but I know it will be in the best way possible.

  11. I fear that I keep putting off #2 because I’m trying to answer all these questions FIRST. Which, obviously, you can’t. Sometimes you just have to jump. You’ll figure it all out. Remember how freaked we were about #1? And they’ve made it through mostly unscathed. ;)

  12. ArenĀ“t you financially supported by the state with Child benefit?

  13. Meltdown? Totally understandable. Most of that would be freaking me out, too – but I like the advice above to take it one task at a time. Choose one thing bothering you and solve it as best as you can. Like the car – build a new “habit” with the car. If it gets messy, then make sure every time you get out of the car, you take any new trash with you. This will help keep your car in order and probably make you feel so much better (I know clutter totally stresses me out). Then one small thing is solved and you can be more relaxed as you think about the other stuff… hopefully. :)

  14. I had all of the same fears, plus some, since Connor was not planned. Yes, it’s hard. But you can do it. And life is SO much richer with two kids. Harder? Yes. But this is just a phase. Don’t think about these hard baby-preschool years, think about in 20 years when you’re sitting around the table at Thanksgiving with your kids. I LOVE LOVE LOVE being from a big family because my siblings and I all get along so well and have so much fun together as adults. My mom barely remembers the hard years, but if you ask her if she regrets having so many kids, she will always answer “heck no.” Hang in there. You can do it!

  15. You poor thing!! This freakout is exactly the reason I am so glad that pregnancy is 10 months long. Us planners need every darn minute of it!!!! A lot will change between now and the baby’s birthday and it will all happen organically. Just eat well, rest up and slowly take care of one thing at a time. I also think that things between my husband and I were different after the birth of my second. He had to help me out so much with my older child, and I was so grateful for his help, that we got along great. It was a true teamwork thing (which wasn’t the case with my first – it was all on me!). Allow yourself to freak out so you can figure out what you need to get done before the baby gets here. And, if I can give you a guarantee – she is going to be so happy to have a sibling. My kids are so happy to have each other. That is the one thing I know for sure!!

  16. Totally normal to be so worried/confused/scared. I was totally freaked out for the fist few weeks after I found out I was pregnant with Caroline. Like, it was hard for me to even get super excited. But then eventually I just jumped in to the practical stuff. What can I get done now to make things easier? And then the baby comes and none of that stuff really matters that much….I LOVED being a second time mom! You’re so comfortable with the baby and you’ll get to see Peanut as a big sister. It’s going to be awesome! So take a deep breath and then take all those little things one bite at a time!

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