Putting my marriage back in the front

I was sitting on my couch the other day, giving approximately 5 million soft, loving kisses to my almost two year old toddler who was snuggling up to me while watching Dora when I looked over at my husband, the one sitting about 5 feet away on his phone.  And I tried to remember the last time that I gave him needless kisses or snuggled up to him just ‘cuz.

Oh right, before Peanut was born, that’s when.

Our days are filled with so much “have to do’s” that we don’t seem to have any room to just “be” anymore.  The house needs constant work.  There is always something to clean, laundry to fold, dishes to wash, dishwasher to unload, meals to be prepared.  We wake up, do things to get ready for the day, wrangle the toddler into daycare appropriate clothing, wash her, brush her teeth, give her the breakfast shake and out the door we go.  We work 8-10 hour workdays and are so exhausted by the end of the day that the mere sight of the couch brings me to longing tears.  But we keep going – there is a toddler to entertain, meals to cook, kitchens to clean, dog to feed, laundry to put away.  By 7:30pm when we’ve kissed the toddler about a bagillion times, read her 3 books, gave her a bath, and put her to bed, we crash.  We get about 2 hours of either catching up on work, personal things, or just plain zoning out.  And I think everyone needs that time to themselves where you just sit back on the couch and zone out into your television set, not exactly sure what it is that you’re watching.  The weekends are worse at times as we attempt to catch up on the chores that we couldn’t get to during the week or find creative ways to entertain and educate the toddler.

So where does that leave our marriage?

Far, far behind, my friends.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I have what I would consider to be a very good marriage.  I love my husband and he loves me.  We make the perfect team when tag-teaming all our chores, baby things, etc.  I’m grateful for him and he for me.  We wouldn’t trade one another for the world and know that our marriage will last.

But what kind of marriage?  The kind where we spend these busy years dazed and busy, running from one thing to the next, constantly fighting against time?

No, no.  That simply won’t do.

Jon and I sat down on Sunday morning over coffee while the toddler was watching her Sunday morning cartoons and happily sipping Pediasure, and we talked about it.  Neither one of us wants our marriage to be left in the dust.  We made a pact to work on putting it back in the front, to dole out at least a third of those kisses to one another, and to spend less time doing all the things that need to be done and more time just being happy.

And since we’re so close to the end of the year (not that I’m waiting to start until January 1), that we’ve decided to make it our New Year’s resolution.   So, you know, I can hold myself accountable and all that other good stuff.

This….circa the month we decided to have Peanut


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  1. [...] marriage and my partner in crime.  We talked it over and both promised to make a bigger effort to put our marriage first again.  And although I can’t say that things are the same as they were before the baby (nor could [...]