Around the 20th week of my pregnancy I sat at my doctor’s office, chatting with my husband as we waited for her to join us. When she finally did, I pulled out my iPhone with my list of reminders to talk to the doctor about. The only thing on my list was “why is this so much harder and why does everything hurt so much?”
Because, peeps, it’s just so much harder this time around and every muscle in my body hurts. I mean, sure there is a toddler, and sure, there is a lot on my plate with the holidays, but this is really hard! What’s up with that, doc?
She laughed. I’m serious. She just laughed as we looked at her and then she said, “it’s not going to get any easier”. You see, my midwife has had 3 kids on top of watching probably hundreds if not thousands born.
She went on to tell me about how different my body is with a second pregnancy and how the muscles aren’t the same and how “things” just aren’t as…tight…as they once were. So, in other words, everything is just a little worn, possibly torn, and tired. Considering the fact that I actually feel my stomach muscles be tired and my head gets to be too heavy to sit on top of my neck by about 6pm, I believe her.
(don’t worry, it’s fake wine,but I just love this picture – the big wine glass, the belly, and the sippy cup – perfect way to ring in the New Year)
So how do you survive your second pregnancy? I have come up with a list for you.
- Lower your standards. If you’re like me, a type A personality, you are used to having things just so. Well, get unused to it. Because honestly, a few things out of place, an unloaded dishwasher, and one extra night of take out isn’t really going to make a difference in your lifestyle, but it will make a huge difference on your stress level and your energy.
- Prioritize. Okay, this one’s mostly for those of us who are type A to begin with. This is my answer to most things that overwhelm or bog me down – prioritize. Holiday shopping, 2nd birthday party, hubby’s 30th, v-day and all the other things rolled into one, I was starting to lose it. So I prioritized. Holidays were here first so I concentrated on that and didn’t tend to the others. Now that they’re done with, I can start un-burying myself slowly from the rest of my to-do list, one thing at a time.
- Just say “no.” This one goes hand in hand with the one above. When your plate is full, don’t take on more. If something is more important, choose that more important thing and say “no” to the rest. This one is especially hard for me since I’m more of a do-everything kind of person, but I’m taking small steps.
- Loosen up on some of your rules. If you have a rule of bringing your lunch to work every day or that your toddler can only watch 15 minutes of television or no toddler snacks on the couch, it’s probably not the worst idea to loosen up at this point. Peanut is about to reach her second birthday and I’m proud of our TV restrictions to date, but while I’m trying to grow another little human, more TV is OK! In fact, I think it’s helping her learn new words – a bonus! So while I’m usually trying to entertain our toddler or find something for us to do, now I’m okay with turning on Nemo for the 2nd millionth time for an hour or two while I lounge on the couch with my feet up.
- Teach your toddler to play on their own. This one’s only really applicable to those of us with a young toddler running around, but even if you’re not pregnant, it’s probably a good idea to teach your tot to entertain himself. Jon and I have been working extra hard on teaching Peanut to play on her own and to be more independent. One of the tricks that we find to work well is to start an activity together and when she’s playing well, leave her to continue while you go on about your business. The other saviors in our household have been stickers and coloring. It’s Peanut’s new most favorite activity. We bought some markers that only color on special pages and some stickers and let her play. It’s wonderful to see her be creative while I, once again, lounge on the couch, wishing my head would stop being so darn heavy.
Any advice on surviving a pregnancy?
- Size of baby: size of a papaya, 8 inches long and 1.2 lbs in weight
- Total Weight Gain/Loss: 14 pounds
- Movement: Feeling the baby move pretty regularly now. She’s been a pretty big fan of kicking me directly in the bladder.
- Cravings: No real cravings but this pregnancy I’ve developed a real liking of Thai food.
- Great Moment this week: Asking Peanut to tell me where the baby is and watching her point to my belly. I think that maybe she’s finally starting to understand it? Then, when I told her, yes, there’s a baby in mommy’s belly she proceeded to lift my shirt to find the baby. Okay, maybe a little more time.
Obviously, no advice, but good luck! Trying not to get scared…
People have third ones after this…well, not me, but you know, other people do
When I look down at my feet I see the same kind of belly….although I’m not pregnant!! LOL
You look so darn cute! And although we’re trying for #2….I’m dreading the second pregnancy!!
The second pregnancy is so much harder! My advice is to be very careful in lifting your daughter, you don’t realize how easy it is to hurt yourself!
Kara – I think your tot is a lot bigger than my teeny tiny little tot. Although even with our teeny tiny little underweight tot I’m straining myself constantly. Ugh darned loose muscles.
oh my gosh am I with you or WHAT! Except, even when I’m not pregnant everything hurts…A girlfriend of mine had three pregnancies and insisted that pregnancy was WAY easier for her than the early baby days. She insists that it is because she worked out at the gym every day. In preparation for another pregnancy (one day! not yet though!!), my husband bought me a year-long gym membership for Christmas. I’m going every day even if I am tired and pregnant one day. So, in addition to working out every day next time, I’m going to try magnesium supplements. I have heard a lot about them recently. Also, epsom salt baths! Get high quality epsom salt or magnesium flakes (on amazon – the flakes work better than salts). It can also help with the ugly symptom of late pregnancy where the mom gets all…backed up??? Anyway. These are things I am going to try with the NEXT pregnancy because pregnancies 2 and 3 whooped me.
Lastly, I am in love with your NYE outfit. LOVE IT!!!
I have no idea how you even agreed to a third LOL
and i think i had about a 1/2 glass of wine every other week during the last trimester with my 3rd. It was christmas/thanksgiving/New Years time and I just did it. And it helped.
I had a few glasses here and there (never more than 3/4 of a glass at a time! and not often, I promise I am not a lush) with this pregnancy. It’s definitely helped a ton.
I think the first one is hard enough and then I think about when we’re ready to have another one and I have a toddler or so already running around! I give mad props to you:) I also have developed an intense liking for thai food!
What’s your fav dish? I’m not being very adventurous but mostly because during this pregnancy I’ve had horrible heartburn with anything even remotely spicy.
I love any curry and pad thai!
I’m so chicken to try that – is it spicy?
You can ask for non-spicy and make sure to!
Wish I had this list when I was pregnant with my son. The last one would have come in real handy with my daughter….lol.
Yep. The bigger I got, the less I cared about anything…house cleaned, potty training, whatever it was, didnt matter…and 2nd pregnancy, coughing, sneezing, squatting – anything = no bladder control. Ha.
HAHAHA omg this little one is all about kicking me right in the bladder. I once had to pee about 30 seconds after I peed. Not cool.
OMG, the bladder thing…I…just have no words. :p You all know how it is so I needn’t expound. :p I was THIS close to adult diapers…well not really…(weak laughter, hand waving thought away nonchalantly)
My lower back absolutely killed with the 2nd pregnancy. I got a prescription (fully insured, no cost) for an awesome maternity support band from my ob. It was awesome – so much better than the wimpy ones sold in stores. It had a molded plate that the medical supply fitted to my back and it relieved so much pressure! OH and take advantage of early toddler bedtimes – just go straight to bed after you put her down
I got the band after I had my second son and had SPD that had morphed into SPD (say that five times fast). Big big help.
Awww, hon…I so hear ya…I too had more aches and pains due to already-stretched ligaments (this was a problem throughout my second pregnancy) and I was also more tired. I’m not cool with the OB laughing at you, though. Just sayin’. Even as one who has been through it, she should know better than to tell an already-aching mom it will only get worse.
Hang in there, you look beautiful.
I think a more sensitive way (and a more sensIBLE way) to handle things would have been for your OB to nod, agree that things can be harder the second time around and then give a list to her patients like the one you just gave us, of dos and don’ts.
aw she’s just really funny – I’m obnoxious to her and she laughs at me. It’s our relationship – she wasn’t being mean at all!! She didn’t laugh IN my face, just that I was completely shocked and was asking funny questions. Thanks for having my back though
I can’t even imagine how exhausting it must be to work, parent a toddler and be pregnant! Just working full time is exhausting to me. Ha! Your belly is very cute. Love the pic w/ the “fake wine” and hope you enjoyed it!
Just keep swimming swimming swimming! Love Finding Nemo! Ha!
Good list..even for first time mothers! (Except #1)
This post is too funny because I am feeling the exact same way. And sure running after a toddler is hard but it’s not just that. I feel everyone MORE with this pregnancy and EARLIER. I’m sorer (is that a word?) earlier, my belly popped earlier, my sciatica is acted up sooner. I got a little of that with my first but not until toward the end. I’m not even half way done with this one yet! And I’m way more tired this time (like fall-asleep-sitting-up tired!). The only thing I still haven’t done yet is started to swell up and I’m hoping I can hold off on that until the last couple of weeks like I did with Katie, if not longer!! Ha! Glad I’m not the only one this happens to!
~Layne
PS: Turns out we didn’t break the cycle of everyone I know who is preggers with their second having the same gender again. It’s another girl for us as well!
Gosh I hear ya on that stomach pain! I don’t remember that! W was getting good at playing independently for a while but is regressing a bit on this one. I’m getting more nervous about this as our due date gets closer!